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10 Things You Can Tell Your Parents If They Catch You Smoking Weed

We’ve all been there. You’re trying to kick it with the homies and put something in the air when, all of a sudden, your parents come home early. F****ck.

There are different degrees of trouble you can get in depending on what the severity of the situation is. Did you just box out your entire crib and never open a window? Well, it’s a wrap.

But what if your bud is so loud that just breaking it up reeks up the whole room? We’ve all been there before. Then again, you can get caught mid bong rip trying to play it off when your parents think you’re smoking a large crack pipe. That can be tricky.

But if you’re a real stoner, you know how to swag this scenario out. There are a select amount of words (not many) that can get you out of any situation, no matter how hotboy it may be.

So lick your lips, take a sip of water and get ready to lie your ass off. These are the 10 things you can tell your parents if they catch you smoking weed.

“What smell?”

Maybe they’re just as stupid as you are. or they’re just testing you. Don’t fall for their trap!

“What are you talking about? It’s oregano.”

You better have that pizza on deck. It’ll look a lot more inconspicuous.

“There’s a war going on and you’re worried about weed?!”

Real talk, though.

“I’m trying to prevent blindness.”

Not being able to see sh*t is never cool. Unless you’re Stevie Wonder. Then you’re the man.

“You guys didn’t love me enough!”

Getting on your emo sh*t is always a smart tactic. Make them feel like THEY messed up.

“I’m doing a science project.”

Study high, get high grades?

“What’s weed?”

“At least it’s not cocaine!”

Weed is only a gateway to one thing — Cheetos.

“[Insert Your Name] isn’t here right now. Please leave a voicemail.”

If you’re high enough, it MIGHT work.

“Wanna hit?”

You never know. Just remember, your parents LIVED in the 80s (the decade of crack).

We’ve all been there. You’re trying to kick it with the homies and put something in the air when, all of a sudden, your parents come home early. F****ck. There are different degrees of trouble you can get in depending on what the severity of the…

Ways to Say No to Marijuana

Adah Chung is a fact checker, writer, researcher, and occupational therapist.

Many people find themselves in a situation where they are offered marijuana. Saying no can feel awkward—you don’t want others to see you as uptight, judgmental, or fearful, but you have your reasons for not wanting to use marijuana. The best ways to say no to marijuana are casual, polite responses to an offer, which provide an excuse that can’t be argued with. Here are five top phrases for refusing a toke.

I’m Driving

This is the ultimate excuse. There are many myths about marijuana around including that it doesn’t affect your ability to drive and that you can’t get in trouble with the law for driving under the influence of marijuana, but these are simply not true.

Driving under the influence of any psychoactive drug puts lives at risk, including your own.  

This response is also great role modeling for others, who also may want a good reason to say no to cannabis. Anyone who pressures you to use cannabis after you give this response isn’t worth listening to.

No Thanks, I’ve Tried It and I Didn’t Like It

This response is particularly valuable if you are around lots of other people who are trying marijuana for the first time, and you are under peer pressure to be one of the crowd. It will deflect all the annoying persuasive tactics that other smokers will use to suggest that you can’t know whether you don’t want to use marijuana unless you try it. Obviously, it is most convincing if it is true—if you haven’t used marijuana before, you might feel more comfortable using a different response.

Don’t get caught up in explaining what it was about getting high on marijuana that you didn’t like—if you are asked, say, “I just didn’t like it.” No one can argue with that.

Saying no to marijuana can feel awkward. Here are some ways to refuse weed without seeming uptight, judgmental or fearful.